World of Snow | Uzbekistan, very nice?

I was supposed to drive through Uzbekistan during the Mongol Rally. We were going to skirt the border with Kazakhstan on the west side of what's left of the Aral Sea and bomb through the desert for a day. Somewhere in Russia/Kaz, we heard that ralliers had been shot at in Uzbek and things were devolving quickly. There was a story circulating of a young rallier that strayed from camp to relieve himself. While in a compromising position the young one supposedly felt the unforgettable chill of cold cylindrical steel pressed into the back of his head, followed by an audible click. Having been woken by multiple drunk Russians in the wee hours of the morning, I certainly can believe this story.

Our decision to bypass the wilds of Uzbek was proven correct as the next day one of our cars, The Scamp, caught fire in the Kazak desert. It would have been a notch more frightening to have that happen in Uzbek. I was always a little upset that I didn't make it to Samarkand, so when I stumbled on a few videos this weekend, my interest understandably rose. As some know, I am mildly obsessed with snowboarding in the Stans. This adventure runs a close second to my dreams of a Northwest passage expedition, more on that in a subsequent post.

I always thought that the hatred portrayed by Borat to Uzbekistan was fabricated until I got into the region. You quickly find that all surrounding countries really do hate them, "ah, Uzbekistan, ugh, no good, bad, banditos, no safe." While it may not have a crazy self obsessed overlord like its neighbor(s) to the south, Uzbekistan holds its own in the department of lunacy.

Uzbekistan sits just below Kazakhstan and to the left of Kyrgyzstan in an area of the world you probably didn't know existed. It is rich in history, playing an important role in the silk road and providing a swell city for Ghenghis Khan to hurl disease infested dead bodies at. When you think of Uzbekistan, you are sure to picture fancy old cities like Bukhara, Samarkand and Khiva, but unbeknown-st to most of the Western world there are some pretty sizable hills. Among the world famous ski areas of Western Asia(?), the beautiful Western Tian Shan mountains hold some of the best resorts. Owing to its desirable position between the desert, the Himalaya, and Siberia, this area experiences vast temperature variations and plentiful snowfall. The snow is said to be dry and cold and potentially as good as any powder out there. Many have suggested that the Japanese, the Mormons and the Uzbeks have a double elimination arm wrestling competition to finally decide this age old question.

There are two major organized ski pitches within the borders of Uzbekistan, Beldersay and Chimgan. Both are reported to be an hour and a half from Tashkent, however it is my experience that these times are most likely a farce. I would give myself 1-2 days to make it there. According to the site orexca.com you can get hot home-made wine at Beldersay while Chimgan boasts a Disco club that is sure to blast the latest in eastern European techno. I can remember how delicious the hot cider was during the -600F temps at Sugarloaf so I can only imagine what hot home-made wine from the world famous vineyards of Uzbekistan tastes like. Beldersay has more youtube videos so one can easily conclude that it is the more extreme mountain. I even spotted some cheese wedgies in the videos, so you should be able to make big jumps to film with your posse without fear of being shot at. Though I have heard that the Uzbek national army will shoot at anyone that pre-spins too much on the take-off and mute grabs on backside spins are strictly forbidden.

If the mainstream world of lift riding in the former Soviet Union is not your cup of crappy tea (seriously have you had tea in this part of the world), there is a heli operation in Uzbekistan. It looks to be supported by one of those big ass copters that you know hasn't been maintained since the Russians were trying to take Afghanistan. CurryPowder states that while $5720 will buy you a 10 day inclusive helitrip, it will not cover the camera equipment necessary to score the required footage of said helicopter. Incidentally, if I ever pay someone from a company called "Curry Powder" to guide me in the backcountry, I am fairly sure that I will die a happy man. Most of the Vimeo videos are from French people flying around in helicopters and riding/skiing on fresh snow. Thusly we can discern that the Uzbeks do not let French people go to their resorts similar to the little known policy in New Jersey.

If you are going to bust out the $5.6K to flop around in a defunct Russian heli, the flight from the states shouldn't be a big deal. A flight from JFK to Tashkent, UZB is going to run you about $1247 according to a Kayak search. Aeroflot will get you to Bishkek for $847 which is a day driving away, probably 36 hours at borders, and a couple hundred in visas for Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. Plus if you make it to Bishkek and don't get killed, you most likely won't want to leave (more on that in a future "World of Snow".

For now, get your adventure juices flowing with this spattering of videos of a place you figured was just a joke made up by Borat. Very nice, perhaps.